Running from God

      I started to type that a year ago I started running from God, but if I am really honest with myself it happened long before this. I have put on a show for so long that I can scarcely remember last time my relationship with the Father wasn't half hearted on my part. Yes, a year ago a series of events caused me to question everything I believe in, but I don't think I realized that long before this I tried to put up a wall between myself and God. If you have a relationship with the Lord you know that this isn't really possible. When he calls, you answer! Only when the Lord was whispering my name, I would do my very best to ignore it. The times when I was truly confronted with dealing with my relationship I gave God a long list of excuses of why I couldn't to submit to His beckoning. I was too angry, too bitter, I loved my sin too much, it felt half-hearted, and this list goes on.

      About a week ago the Lord really started working on me and He wouldn't let me look away. I started being honest with Him, heck I started being honest with myself! Every time before this whenever I knew I needed to "get right" with God I would make a mental check list that the following day I would start by having a quiet time, not read any more romance novels (which may I add is my guilty pleasure, not super trashy ones but sweet "historical" ones),  start listening to the 104.7 the fish (no joke), and stop listening to the Bert show! Works! Works! Works! But God cared for none of this!

     It wasn't until tonight that God finally tore down the "the wall" and rocked my world with a few simple truths. I was in a rut with our relationship. I knew things needed to change but I had no idea how to go about this. This time when God called I felt that I had too many things to work through in my heart, I didn't know where to begin... ME! ME! ME!! I always came to God asking Him to fix me before I could be obedient to His commands. Tonight God finally whispered in my ear, " Beloved, I didn't save you for you. I saved you for me and my glory! Stop worrying about you and focus on me." Ouch! That one stung.

     Yes, I have heard this before, but this truth finally sunk into tonight! Praise God it did! I feel like I have finally broke a cycle. So many Christians want to make it about themselves. In reality it doesn't have much to do with me, and everything to do with a merciful Savior who called me. God didn't save us so we could be our best self! He saved us for for His mighty work and simply because He loves us.

" 3 For we ourselves were once foolish, disobedient, led astray, slaves to various passions and pleasures, passing our days in malice and envy, hated by others and hating one another. 4 But when the goodness and loving kindness of God our Savior appeared, 5 he saved us, not because of works done by us in righteousness, but according to his own mercy, by the washing of regeneration and renewal of the Holy Spirit, 6 whom he poured out on us richly through Jesus Christ our Savior, 7 so that being justified by his grace we might become heirs according to the hope of eternal life." Titus 3:3-7

   I share all of this in hopes that if anyone is out there fixating on their own sin and ignoring the much larger call God has placed on their lives, they too would wake up! I am thankful for my Saviors love and mercy he has bestowed upon me!

   By the way, I wrote all of this in my Georgia snuggie. I am pretty sure that made God smile!